Years ago, I worked closely with someone on an important project. They seemed reliable at first, but when they missed a few critical deadlines, I noticed a rather dramatic response—I felt completely betrayed. I immediately did something I had seen myself do time and again…I built a wall of distrust, telling myself, “I can’t trust this guy to get the job done”. My neurotic defense structure of UNDOING took hold and I went down a rabbit hole looking for all the reasons failure was imminent if I remained connected to this guy. The project slowed and I noticed myself building a case for why he should go. Eventually, I made the case to let him go.
After I did it twice, I noticed a second pattern. Just after those individuals left the company, a great lead they had been working on came through, launching us into a new level of success. It wasn’t until much later, during my own healing process, that I realized my reaction was rooted in fear and past betrayals. This person’s missteps didn’t define their entire character. Had I given them a chance to explain, I might have learned they were overwhelmed and afraid to ask for help. That experience taught me the importance of discernment—seeing the full picture and holding space for imperfection while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Have you ever felt like trust was a risk you couldn’t afford to take? What if the issue wasn’t the risk, but the stories we tell ourselves about it? Let’s explore what trust truly means.
Trust is one of the most significant and challenging aspects of human relationships. We often talk about trusting others or lamenting broken trust, yet few of us pause to ask: What is trust really about? Is it a blind leap of faith? A mutual agreement? Or something deeper? To explore this question, we must reflect on the nature of trust, how it’s shaped by our experiences, and how we can rebuild it through healing and transformation.
In this blog, we will:
Help you assess your level of trust for yourself and others.
Explore the connection between trauma and the lies we tell ourselves.
Speak an uncomfortable yet liberating truth: People inherently cannot be trusted. Healed and transformed people can be trusted.
Offer a reflective exercise to uncover the origins of your distrust and begin the journey toward healing.
Explore how to live in alignment with the truth of trust
Assessing Your Level of Trust
Take a moment to reflect on these questions:
Trust in Yourself:
Do you keep promises to yourself, or do you frequently abandon your own goals?
When you make decisions, do you trust your judgment, or do you seek constant validation?
Are you honest with yourself about your feelings, motivations, and fears?
Trust in Others:
When someone close to you makes a mistake, do you see it as a single instance or a reflection of their entire character?
Do you often feel the need to control outcomes in relationships because you fear others won’t follow through?
How do you respond when someone breaks your trust? Do you shut down, disconnect, or react aggressively?
If you notice patterns of self-doubt, excessive control, or a tendency to cut people off at the first sign of failure, you might be carrying deep distrust. This distrust may not only be directed at others but also at yourself—and it likely has roots in your past experiences.
Trauma and the Lies We Tell Ourselves
Distrust doesn’t arise out of nowhere. Often, it is the result of past wounds—times when trust was broken, safety was threatened, or our needs were unmet. These experiences leave imprints that shape how we view the world and ourselves.
Trauma creates stories that we internalize as truth. These stories often sound like:
People will always let you down.
If I don’t do it myself, it won’t be done right.
Being vulnerable is dangerous.
But here’s the truth: When we are unhealed, we live in our traumatic memories. We lie to ourselves and to others—not out of malice, but out of survival. And if we lie to ourselves, how can we trust others to be honest?
The truth is not comfortable, but it’s necessary: People inherently cannot be trusted. This doesn’t mean people are bad. It means that unhealed trauma makes us act in ways that create unsafety. However, healed and transformed people—those who have faced their pain and embraced truth—can be trusted.
What Does It Mean to Be Healed and Transformed?
Healed and transformed people are not perfect. They still make mistakes and have their flaws, but their decisions are guided by truth rather than fear or trauma. Trusting them doesn’t mean they will never falter; it means they are committed to integrity, accountability, and growth.
To trust others, we must first trust ourselves. This requires:
Facing our own trauma.
Acknowledging the lies we’ve told ourselves.
Committing to a journey of healing and transformation.
When you align with truth—both your own and others’—trust becomes a natural outcome rather than a blind leap of faith.
Reflective Exercise – Discovering the Roots of Distrust
This exercise will help you explore the origins of your distrust and begin to reshape your relationship with trust.
Set the Stage:
Find a quiet, comfortable space. Bring a journal or notebook.
Take a few deep breaths and ground yourself in the present moment.
Reflect on Early Experiences:
Think back to the first time you felt that trust was broken. Who was involved? What happened?
How did this experience shape your beliefs about trust?
Write down the story you’ve been telling yourself about trust since that time.
Examine Your Patterns:
Reflect on recent situations where trust was an issue. What actions did you take? What emotions came up?
Do you see a pattern in how you respond to distrust?
Speak the Truth:
Write down the belief, People inherently cannot be trusted. Sit with the discomfort this truth may bring.
Now write the follow-up truth: Healed and transformed people can be trusted. What does this mean to you?
Set an Intention for Healing:
Write an affirmation to guide your healing. For example: I trust myself to discern truth and align with people who are committed to healing and transformation.
Commit to seeking truth—in yourself and others—as your foundation for trust.
Living This Truth
Living in alignment with the truth of trust requires both inner work and mindful action. Here’s how you can integrate this understanding into your daily life:
Practice Discernment:
Pay attention to people’s actions more than their words. Do they live in alignment with truth, or are they driven by fear and trauma?
Discernment doesn’t mean judging others harshly; it means observing with clarity and compassion.
Build Trust Gradually:
Trust is not an all-or-nothing experience. Start small—give people opportunities to show their trustworthiness in low-stakes situations before opening up more fully.
Commit to Truth in Your Relationships:
Speak truthfully, even when it feels uncomfortable. Encourage open, honest communication with others.
Hold yourself accountable when you make mistakes, and expect the same from those you trust.
Heal Continuously:
Healing is not a destination but an ongoing process. Stay committed to self-awareness and growth.
Seek support when needed, whether through therapy, community, or reflective practices.
Set Healthy Boundaries:
Protect your energy and well-being by setting clear boundaries with those who operate from unhealed trauma.
Boundaries are not walls; they are acts of self-love that create space for healthy relationships.
Living this truth means embracing the complexity of trust. It acknowledges that not everyone can be trusted, but it also opens the door to meaningful connections with those who have done the work to heal and transform.
Trust and Healing Are Intertwined
Trust is not about perfection; it is about truth. Healing is the process that brings us closer to truth—about ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us. By understanding the origins of distrust, speaking the truth about trust, and committing to healing, we create a foundation for trust that is real, safe, and transformative.
As you journey through this process, remember: Trust begins with you. Your healing will not only allow you to trust yourself but also to discern and connect with others who are walking the path of truth and transformation.
This is not the end but the beginning of your journey with trust. Take your time to sit with the truths shared here. Healing and transformation take time, but every step brings you closer to the relationships—and the life—you truly deserve.
What’s one step you can take today to rebuild trust in yourself and others?
Also Read:
Morning Pages & The Healing Code: Using Truth to Overcome Negative Thinking
